Friday, October 17, 2008


I've recently become aware of the fragility of this beautifully chaotic life that I lead. 

There are days, like today, when I completely crash and burn. Days that reach an internal intensity, and then snap! something brittle in me is broken. I sleep for 2 hours when I only plan to sleep for a half. I skip class. I listen to very specific music in an effort to bring a little peace into my soul. With no attention span and no motivation, I sit and think about the things I want to do, or I just don't think much at all.

A little voice in my head mumbles panicked phrases like family history of manic-depression and the like. Even now though, I know that's silly. I've seen mania and depression -- it's rather more polarized than this. No, I'm just a college co-ed who is stressed out and doesn't spend enough time seeking God. Someone who gets fed up and hasn't quite figured out how to deal with it.

I've had many, many moments recently that have left me deeply in love with this life, though. Moments when I look up, out of my window, and see the face of God, everpresent and all around me. Moments of grateful, secret prayers for the simplicity of it: I am encircled eternally in His love.