Tuesday, February 11, 2014

my amazing husband

My husband is on an absolute roll these days.

Before my new job, I've been the one responsible for housework and errands and things, mostly so that Chris could focus on school. After a couple of evenings lately when I was flipping out about how busy my life is, Chris sat me down. "I think you might be just as busy as I am, if not busier. You need to let me help."

We were very worried about what this transition was going to look like in our family. Was it going to cause fights if Chris didn't get around to what I'd asked him to do? Was I really going to make a new habit of asking for help? Were we going to be able to prioritize our very busy lives sufficiently?

We're at the beginning of my third week working, and it's been an impressive success so far. Mostly though, I'm impressed with my husband.

In the middle of a work project when I ask for help with dinner? "Be right there."

Being asked to do one of his least favorite chores? "Just do the first part to get me going, and I will do the rest."

Given a bigger job than he was hoping to be given? Does even more than requested, and when I ask about it, responds, "Well, it was dirty."

Stuck on the couch because his very tired wife just wants to snuggle? "You take a break. Can I tell you about my work project?"

Surrounded by clutter because we just haven't gotten around to it? "I'm sorry, I need to do better at checking our chore chart. We'll get it done, though. I really do want to help."

I am so impressed by Chris' humility, generosity, and work ethic. It seems that no matter how much Chris struggles with anything else, I really am his top priority. That blows my mind. With weeks like this one, I just can't imagine why he would ever doubt himself or whether or not the Lord is pleased with him.

I'm so blessed, guys. My husband is such a powerful example of goodness to me -- and that's not just with helping me around the house, either. In the last couple of months, we have made a friend through the missionaries. Frankly, our friend has needed a lot of help because her life is in such a huge transition, but I haven't heard Chris complain about it once. In fact, he's the one who baptized her this weekend.

I really do have the husband I always wanted, but never quite believed I would get. And I'm convinced that I'm able to recognize this because I've been diligently reading my scriptures lately. Because of the scriptures, I can see the truth:

He really is amazing.

Saturday, February 1, 2014


Worry worry worry worry worry.

Gnaw gnaw gnaw gnaw.

Worry worry worry worry worry.

These are the sounds my brain is making at 4am, which is why I am not currently asleep.

I just got called to lead the girls' youth group in the Spanish congregation, and they haven't had a leader in months. I feel like I have to start it from scratch.

But when it comes down to it, I don't.

The Lord is perfectly capable of accomplishing His purposes...I just happen to be the tool He has chosen to use this time.

He wouldn't have called me unless He thought I could accomplish His work. He's asked people to build ships, nations, and churches "from scratch," but He has always had a plan in mind for it -- both an end goal and a process to get here. I don't really know either of those right now, but at least I know I'm not alone in trying to figure out what is best for these girls. He already knows them and already knows what is best for them. So I'm not really starting from scratch at all. I'm just trying to know the mind of God.

Today I am grateful that I am not alone. God has a plan for me. He already has this all figured out, and as I come to know Him better, He will reveal his plans to me.

I am grateful to be a part of Christ's church restored on the earth. Strangely enough, no matter how much or how often I worry, I come back to one thing: I know where to find answers. The scriptures are meant to get us acquainted with God, to know who His is and who He will always be. I know they hold that power. And a part of me suddenly suspects...prayer is, in part, meant to get us acquainted with ourselves. What do we ask for? Do we plead for it sincerely? How often do we pray? When we know who we are and we bring our truest selves to Him, the answers come so much faster. Our eyes clear so that we can't be withheld from seeing Him. Even if we are incredibly weak.

I am grateful for personal revelation. My concerns matter to the Lord. My marriage is important to Him. My happiness and growth are way at the top of His priority list. He created me to have joy, not just now but eternally. That means that He is willing to give me the compassion and instruction that I need...and that He has given me the means to acquire it. He already knows what I need, and He clues me in as He provides it.

I believe that Heavenly Father already has a picture in His mind of what things are supposed to look like. I believe that He already has my day prioritized. I believe He does not want me to be angry or full of fear.

And so, at 4 a.m., I pray, O Father, I believe. Help Thou my unbelief.

My ways are not Thy ways. My thoughts are not Thy thoughts

Help me to empty myself of self so that there is room for Thee here. 

And surely, slowly, gradually, the peace comes. And I am not afraid.