Wednesday, January 28, 2009

1. I've been ward FHE coordinator for three semesters in a row, and I still don't feel like I'm very good at it. But, if this is where the Lord wants me, this is where I will stay. 

2. I prefer to drink out of plastic cups because I think water tastes funny out of a glass cup. Most people tell me that's backwards.

3. I enjoy purple Sweethearts (you know, the kind of candy they sell around Valentines) even though I don't like artificial grape flavor, and I don't really like Sweethearts in general. I'm full of contradictions. ;)

4. In my life, I have wanted to be an artist, a teacher, a ballerina, a singer, a doctor, a psychologist, a massage therapist, a writer, and a mom "when I grow up". 

5. I love having my toenails painted -- sparkly hot pink has become the signature color for them.

6. In my heart-of-hearts, I really, really want to travel. I want to see ALL OVER Europe, and visit South and Central America, and go to Jerusalem. Among other places. I'd love to be one of those people who goes on an AMAZING vacation every couple of years.

7. I crave intellectual conversation (about the gospel, relationships, books, psychology, etc., etc., etc.) like plants crave water in a drought. Especially about the gospel -- I love re-realizing how GOOD Heavenly Father is to me in His infinite kindness and intelligence. He's so much smarter than I am.

8. I love being funny, even if it means I don't always make sense to people. There are few things more delightful than a well-timed pun!

9. It's one of my goals to have childlike delight every day. Sunrises, sunsets, trees, snow, and thunderstorms leave me in awe -every- time.

10. I don't really enjoy watching TV, and I despise TV as background noise. I can handle about an hour once or MAYBE twice a week, and it has to meet some pretty grueling criteria -- well-written premise, fascinating characters, and intriguing plot, among other things. Oh, and amazing people to watch it with, of course.

11. If you were to tell me in high school that I would grow up to become the person I am now, I wouldn't believe you because it would have sounded too good to be true.

12. I have no concept of what I look like without my glasses. I've worn glasses since 5th grade, and my sight is bad enough that I can't really see myself in the mirror when I'm not wearing them. This is one of many reasons I would like to try contacts.

13. I think my eyes are my best feature, but after many years, I have gradually grown to love the parts of my appearance that I am most self-conscious about. This never ceases to delight me!

14. I miss having freckles on my face, but I love having them on my shoulders.

15. About a year and a half ago, I realized that I'm a sucker for guys who play guitar, speak Spanish, and look good with facial hair. Those are purely physical attraction kind of things, although there are reasons behind them. 

16. I love the cold. Negative temperatures are just a little bit silly, I admit (after all, who wants frozen nose hair?) but there's just something delightful about foggy breathing, invigorating chill, and the way the whole world gets quiet. Did I mention that I find childlike delight in these kinds of things?

17. I love to sing. Part of what I look for in the music I listen to is whether or not I can sing along to it. It's a real challenge for me to listen to music without singing with it, and it's pretty obvious if I have a song going through my head. I apologize ahead of time if I have just one line stuck. ;)

18. Heights make me really nervous. It's not so much the idea of falling that gets me as the idea of stepping out into all that nothing. The third floor of my apartment complex gets to be a little bit, and yet I love rollercoasters. 

19. I'm excited to be a mom. I had a hard time paying attention in devotional today because the girl sitting across the aisle had a *brand* *new* baby in her lap. A newborn baby is the cutest, tiniest little alien you will ever see. 

20. Even though I don't feel like I fit in with my family, I love them a TON.

21. I can't decide whether or not I like ninjas or pirates better. Ninjas are stealthy but pirates are hot AND literary. I'm convinced that Chuck Norris will reconcile the two forces.

22. I have friends that DEEPLY ANNOY ME, but I find them so fun to talk to that I remain friends with them anyway. This simultaneously amuses me and makes me feel like a terrible person. 

23. I'm very cautious about sharing the sad things in my life -- not because I mind sharing, but rather because I'm not seeking pity. Parts of my life have been really hard, and I want people to understand how I've become the person that I am, but I also want them to understand that I have a beautiful life.

24. I love to cook -- my roommates are constantly amazed by my ability to throw things together. However, as an sometimes lazy and often creative person, I lack the precision to easily follow recipes.

25. It's my goal in life to live fully, in love with life every day. I used to say "fine" when people asked me how I was doing; now I say "pretty much amazing!" and I've come to realize that it's true. I have come to see the value of stepping back and looking at the big picture. Even when the details are hard,my life as a whole is a stunning creation of a loving God.

26. I have a hard time expressing my opinion honestly when it's negative. I want to be seen as a positive person, and I don't want to start a conversation by disagreeing with another's opinion without knowing it. 

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Most of the time, I'm really OK with being an introvert. It's taken me a long time to be able to say that, but it's true. 

Every now and then, though, it really gets on my nerves.

I am an interesting, funny, intellectual, awesome person. (I'm not trying to be arrogant, just honest.) But when I am nervous and stressed and trying to be social, all of my brain cells leak out of my head and I revert back to being the shy, quiet, anxious girl I was 5 years ago. The obvious solution to this is to just quit being nervous, but just how do you go about doing that?

I've heard a lot of suggestions, but haven't quite managed to take many (if any) to heart. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I ought to go out on a limb and just do what comes to mind and accept that things won't always be easy or come naturally.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

To Do

I've been promising myself I'll write a new blog post (which was almost combined to be "blost", whatever that is.) There's been a lot on my mind lately, but the things that have put a lot on my mind haven't left me a whole lot of energy.

Take the impromptu party I had on Sunday, for example. It quickly went from a little dinner of three to a toast to the New Year with nine. Five of the nine were guys. The grand total for the evening was 12 different people in my apartment, all of them to see me, at least in part. It was some intense business, but I went to bed wishing they could have stayed. 

I thought all last semester that I had just too many friends. This semester is shaping up to be much along the same lines, at least. But it's also different, too. I can't even tell you how many times I've prayed, Lord, what do you want me to do here? So when I started to feel like the Lord handed me a To Do list that said "Be social, but don't forget Me" on it, it was...interesting. I mean, it wasn't my idea to stay in Rexburg for the winter. I feel like I'm tempting fate a little bit to be so excited to be here, but then I'm supposed to find joy in obedience, right?

I don't know -- I don't feel like I'm being terribly coherant, but that's what the inside of my brain is like right now. Basically I'm excited to be here for the winter, excited for all the friends I have, but cautious and worn-out because I don't know what's going to happen and I'm going beyond my comfort zone. But it'll be okay.