Friday, October 7, 2011

a day at a time

I've come to an unfortunate conclusion.

I don't write enough.

Sure, I journal. It's primarily a scripture journal at the moment, because I'm a little overwhelmed by the idea of anything beyond that. If I write about the events of my day-to-day life, I might actually have to think about it. I might think about the fact that I am living with my best friend and her husband at the moment, instead of my own place. I might think about the fact that I am once again unemployed, this time of my own volition. I might think about my sadly limited resources and all of the things in my life that I wish were different.

Maintaining a scripture journal, on the other hand, helps me to keep thinks in perspective. I get to think more about the problems of Moroni and Pahoran, of the wicked children of Israel, of Emma Smith. Whether these people were full of faith or fear, the scriptures teach me the truth, as I combat the influences of Satan that are so ready to seep into my life.

In reality, my life is moving along beautifully. I am where the Lord wants me to be. He is carefully tutoring me. Everything will fall into place exactly as it needs to. But that sense of well-being is rather precarious at the moment, and I worry that if the reality of my current situation sinks in, my natural tendency to overthink will lead me not toward God, but away from Him.

It seems I've gotten the same message since mind-June: don't plan. And all things considered, I haven't. Sure, I planned a blood drive, a book drive, and a drive across the country. But considering the amount of things I would ordinarily be trying to contrive and control, that's nothing. I don't have a 5 year plan anymore, let alone a 5 month plan. I don't know where grad school will fit into my life. I don't know where marriage will fit into my life.

All I know is that the Lord is trying to teach me to take things one day at a time. Therefore, I am beginning a new initiative on my blog. I may not be writing about Big Things That Have To Do With My Life As A Whole, but I can write about the small day-to-day things that catch my interest. That may be a song I heard today, a new website I found, or just the way that the rain blips against the leaves. In any case, my happiness is my choice, and I choose to wait, and watch, and obey.

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