I knew that marriage was going to teach me faith in the hard moments, but I had no idea it was going to teach me faith in the very very best ones.
Today marks two months since Chris and I got married. It's been drifting in and out of my attention all day, but as I type it out in introduction to this blog post, I'm honestly tearing up. I knew all along he was a fun, smart, sweet, funny guy who suited my personality well. But I had no idea just how good he really is.
Last night, we lay in bed, planning the next day on (of course) a pseudo-whiteboard. Chris' day was cut and dry: class, study, dinner, test. Mine was less so. I'm a wife; there's plenty of things for me to do, but after a day of feeling like I'd wasted my time, I was discouraged. "What's the point of planning it if I'm not going to do it anyway?
Chris gave me a long look. "Take the day off."
"Take the day off. You need it."
I hesitated. "I'd actually been thinking about that - that I don't so much have a full-time job as an all-the-time job. That's kinda depressing."
"Yeah, exactly. So take a break."
I felt a lump rise in my throat. "But I don't feel like I deserve it..."
He held me for a moment, while I held back my tears. "Tell you what," he said. "If you do more than two productive things tomorrow, no Skype date tomorrow."
I gave him a watery smile. "What if I'm doing productive things for fun?" I asked, thinking of the writing I could do.
"That's fine, but if you tell me you did the dishes for fun, I won't believe you."
I love this man so much.
I can't believe I have someone who is willing and able to share the burdens of this mind and heart I've been given. Chris' two-month present to me was a guilt-free day, one I could spend writing, researching, reading, and catching up with a few friends. I don't know how I could possibly top that, and it would probably be foolish to try. (Especially because his day is really full...he's actually off taking a big test right now, for which he spent all day studying.)
I keep thinking that I already know how much I love him, that I "get" what this whole marriage thing means. I'm discovering how naive that is, even beyond the fact that we haven't been married long. It's like saying we know how much we love Jesus, knowing that He is going to save us anew, every day, in a way that is going to make us love Him more.
Marriage is like that, I think. I know my husband has a good heart -- one of the best, in fact. Times like yesterday though, when he comforts me in my moments of greatest vulnerability and does it in exactly the way that I need, provide a glimpse of who he is beyond the goofiness (which makes me so happy) and the brilliance (which I think is just so attractive). I see the honest, humble man, who just wants to help other people be okay. And I get to have him in my life every single day.
If that's not evidence of God, and His complete adoration for me, His often confused and frequently fearful little girl, then I don't know what is.
Happy two months, babe.