Tuesday, December 25, 2007
This time in my life has been one of learning to love me for me, and to love God as I should.
It's a steady process, but I've been so blessed. I've realized I can love my body as a gift from God that enables me to experience this encircling beauty here, which is so much how I feel His love. I've become much more OK with my people-needs, and been able to sort out appropriate ways to meet them without emotionally exhausting myself. And every day, I learn a little more how I can rely on God to meet my needs, never mind who else is in my life or will ever be in my life. These are huge and amazing things for me. I'm not sure I ever quite thought I'd be at the place I'm at now...and even if I did, I certainly didn't know how to get there. However, with the help of the Lord and a lot of struggling to have faith in His plan for me, well, here I am.
My blog labels reflect the things that are a part of who I am, and the things I struggle with. And tonight, I'm adding a new label. It isn't that suddenly a new issue sprouted up; it was just that I realized that one of my big things wasn't being shown. This blog is a tool in my life, and I feel like I should use all of the tools I have on hand.
I have never been a very ambitious or driven person. In fact, I'd say that I can be downright lazy. I have a great capacity for wasting time, and I know it. I admire people who are industrious and purposeful, people who always have things to do and always get them done. For some reason, that just doesn't come naturally to me. I procrastinate; I can be apathetic, unmotivated, and idle.
I was praying about this the day before yesterday and doing some thinking, and a line from D&C 101:16 came into my head: "Be still and know that I am God."
I firmly believe that every aspect of ourselves has a positive spin to it; God creates the capacity in all things to forward His work for good. So yes, I may look or feel gross sometimes, but my body has the capacity to give life -- and to witness life. And yes, I may be easily overwhelmed by people for reasons that will take me a long time to understand, but I have the capacity to turn small, overwhelming moments into blessings, stepping in to fill a need and stepping out again.
Therefore, I believe that my inclination for idleness, if given to God, can foster stillness. I was reading over a conversation from this March with a friend just now: "Do you ever have days when all you want to do is dance in the driveway?"
Life is so full of joy, there for the taking. I just first have to learn to offer my idleness on the alter, so that I can instead be still and know that He is God.