I want, so badly, to be patient.
I think patience is being able to savor the moment, to care about the future but truly understand and accept that it is in God's hands. "Patience is obedience prolonged...[it is] a willingness, in a sense, to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe—rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance." (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, as are any of the following quotes.)
I know that good things -- beautiful, FABULOUS things -- are in my future. However, I need to be able to see that there are good things, right here, right now, and that God, in His omniscience, sees that the wonderful things in store for me would be much less wonderful if I had them right now.
I need to submit cheerfully to the Lord's timetable. The past semester was intense -- both mind-numbingly stressful and deeply enlightening and spiritual. Now, that season is over and I need to find purpose once again in my time. However, it needs to be the Lord's purpose, not mine, because while I think the Lord will bless me in my righteous desires, it just isn't right now.
"When we are unduly impatient, however, we are, in effect, trying to hasten an outcome when acceleration would abuse agency," and, I submit, interfere with the Lord's perfect plan for us. I am currently irritated and inconvenienced by this fact, but I am trying to have the patience I need in order to confidently say that the Lord blesses me with the things that are needful, even now.
I want to be happy without checking all the time to see if I am happy -- I don't think that's what I need to do at this part of my life. I need to be calm and peaceful, even if that doesn't mean being bubbly-cheerful. I want, even in this season, to stand in awe of God. Surely there are things in my life right now to savor.
No, I may not get what I want right now, but if I can wait on the Lord, if I can defer the things I want, I can be joyous.
"the seeming flat periods of life give us a blessed chance to reflect upon what is past as well as to be readied for some rather stirring climbs ahead. Instead of grumbling and murmuring, we should be consolidating and reflecting, which would not happen if life were an uninterrupted sequence of fantastic scenery, confrontive events, or exhilarating conversation. Patience helps us to use, rather than protest, these seeming flat periods of life, becoming filled with quiet wonder over the past and with anticipation for that which may lie ahead, instead of demeaning the particular flatness through which we may be passing at the time."
"In our approach to life, patience also helps us to realize that while we may be ready to move on, having had enough of a particular learning experience, our continuing presence is often a needed part of the learning environment of others. Patience is thus closely connected with two other central attributes of Christianity—love and humility."
"Very importantly, it is patience, combined with love, which permits us “in process of time” to detoxify our disappointments."
"Further, the patient person can better understand how there are circumstances when, if our hearts are set too much upon the things of this world, our hearts must be broken—but for our sakes and not merely as a demonstration of divine power. But it takes real patience in such circumstances to wait for the later vindication of our trust in the Lord.