Sunday, November 11, 2007

This seems to be a time for me to be surrounded by people who are having a hard time. I never thought I would be the one that people come to when they need someone to talk to -- that whole shoulder to cry on thing -- but it seems to be the case lately, at least for a few select people.

It's sobering, really, and it's teaching me some things. For one, it can always be worse. My family could be more dysfunctional. I could get less sleep. I could worry more about money. I could be much less healthy. The list goes on and on, and I see more and more that I am amazingly blessed, with my temple-sealed family, hectic-but-doable schedule, adequate bank account, and wonderfully healthy body. I'm a very mellow person, so it's sometimes a challenge for me to smile and say "yes, life is going fantastically!" but the more I think about it, the more I realize that it truly is. I am so very blessed.

The other part of it is that I have a capacity to help others in my own way, that the "mellowness" is part of what draws more intense people in, the kind of people who live fully and deeply and who I enjoy being around. I'm learning lately to "fill the measure of my creation" (D&C 88:19) and maybe part of that is using the quirks of my personality to reach out to others. I've been praying lately that God will use me to build His kingdom, and show me how He does that, and I am so deeply amazed that God answers those prayers. In His excellent goodness and wisdom, He reminds me that He does hear me, does know me. I hope that in this experience I can learn to trust Him even when His influence is not so obvious.

It makes me want to write poetry.