Yesterday, in a moment of deep dissatisfaction and some sadness, I decided it would be an interesting thing to try and make a list of things that DO in fact make me happy, especially because I wasn't at the moment.
A short guide to happy
1. Choose to be happy
2. Stay busy being useful
3. Cry when you need to, smile as often as you can
4. Do things to change for the better
So today, I started with #1 and a heartfelt prayer, expecting for this simply to be a "hard season," when happiness would just have to be deferred.
And yet here, now, in this moment, I am delighted by life. I love to talk to my dad, my sister comes to sit on my bed just because, my brother and I understand each other quite well and work as a team, I am connected to my mom in a way I am learning to really appreciate, Cindy loves me even though working full-time has rendered my life quite uneventful, I have a job in which I can be useful (that's #2 on the list!), Mahon doesn't mind reading my story, I'm WRITING and it's completely eating my brain.
As for #3 and #4, I have had not NEARLY such a hard time finding things to smile about this evening, and because I am seeking them out, I know that I can change things (especially myself, through Christ) for the better. I am once again trying to live moment-to-moment, grateful to God for all that He is and all that He gives. And, as I added at the end of the same journal entry as my list, "If it's not working out, it's because the Lord has something better in mind."
There aren't even words to express how personally our God loves us. He just is that way, and today I can see that. And I am amazed.