Saturday, March 1, 2008

this is what happens when a good night's sleep devolves into a "nap"

I've come to the conclusion that sometimes, in order to be as happy as possible, you have to sit down for a minute and think,

"Man. This bites."

I've said it before and I'll say it again -- this is probably the happiest I have ever been in my life. I have been up to my neck in this quest to find deeper joy, greater happiness, more constant connection with God, and I can say, with deep gratitude, that YES, it is possible.

But it's also BLASTED HARD.

And God knows that. He knows that I am mortal, that no matter how hard I try to depend on Him, I will still need to mourn my own mortality. I am worn out and frustrated and probably just a bit angry that this whole being happy thing is so much work. But Heavenly Father understands that there is grief that comes with this earthly experience, and that my sin or even just my earthly limitations in general cause much of that grief.

I submit that it's healthy to mourn a bit. God trusts me to use the grief and broken-hearted-ness to be nearer to Him still. So that's what I'm going to try to do, with all of the humility and gratitude that I can muster. Which I suspect will be a lot more after I actually get some sleep.

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