Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Booty-call? Yikes.

Sometimes, I just don't understand why certain people are in my life. Quite a contrast from my last post about being grateful for the people around me, I know, but mostly it's just one specific person.

This person and I had become very close, very quickly, and when it blew up in my face I dealt with it for only as long as I had to before I dropped the relationship completely. Interestingly, this bothered this person, so I reconsidered and decided to continue the relationship (with minimal emotional involvement on my part). And then this person just sort of disappeared from my life -- no e-mail, no calls, no texts, not even a "hello" sent down the grapevine from our mutual friend.

I was confused by this, but since I was going to cut off contact with this person myself, I let the situation drop out of my life.

And then, out of nowhere, I got a text message, along the lines of "hi, I hope this isn't a bad time, just wanted to see how you were doing." My reply: "I'm fine." This person then texted me again asking if I was mad at him, and I said no, just confused because this person had wanted to be my friend and then dropped out of my life again. This person then said that they had thought I hated them, to which I replied that I didn't bother wasting the time and energy -- that no, it really didn't matter.

Shortly there after, this person called me and we talked for a while -- mostly about this person's rather exciting job. It was good to hear from this person, since they are fun to talk to, and it's been fun to communicate with this person on facebook. However, well, remember how the short-and-intense relationship blew up in my face? Well, the reason for that ended up blowing up in this person's face. And now this person wants me to come see them and has, according to my roommates, "booty-called". What on earth??

My thought is that this person is very immature, for basically a lot of reasons, and needs to stop looking for a significant other and start looking for ---self. That is something I am working on so intensely lately...I want to be able to define my worth outside of a relationship so completely that when I finally am in a relationship, it will be because it is what God wants for me and because I know the person I am involved with is a truly wonderful person, instead of someone who just makes me feel good.

If I had known that before now, I may never have gotten involved with "this person" to begin with. Rereading the "I'm-not-going-to-talk-to-you-ever-again" e-mail conversation, I really don't understand why this person thought I was still mad...not when I said "I was probably hypocritical," etc., and later, "Did you get my last e-mail?" I would love to ask this person about this, but I already know I wouldn't really get a straight answer. Mostly I'm just grateful not to be this person . . . not to be dating this person . . .

And to be me, not dating anyone. God has a plan for me; I know it. Therefore, when I am ready for the quality of relationship I want in my life, He will provide. That's all there is to it. In the meantime, I am, in a sense, falling in love with myself. By that I mean learning to love myself deeply, including weaknesses and strengths and all the funny quirks that fall somewhere in between. This is what God wants for me right now, and I am grateful for that.

4 comments:

  1. Hey, at least you can now officially say you've been booty-called. I never have. It's quite exciting. ;)

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  2. Gag me!! That's just icky. Why would I be excited about it? =P

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  3. lol The first time it happens you do in fact seem to go into shock. After that, you kinda get used to it.

    Well, that's a lie. That happens quite a lot to me. It's annoying. And I never will get used to it.

    Why don't I just turn lesbian, for crying out loud!?!

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  4. Because boys are just entirely too attractive to give up completely.

    And a lot of other reasons too, of course. ;-)

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