Perfect FIRST date?
It would probably be best if I didn't realize it was a date until afterward, frankly.
If a guy is too flirtatious in the beginning, it feels very predatory to me. Yikes. On the other hand, if he plays it too casual, I'm convinced he doesn't like me and I don't put in any effort at reeling him in.
The balance? A ready arsenal of get-to-know-you questions, to be used as needed. Ideally we'd go somewhere that we could chat, but that it would also be OK if we didn't.
(I actually went on a first date that was like that -- we paddled around in a little kayak through this golf course. When we wanted to talk, we did, but if we didn't we just concentrated on the oars. Worked great for me. Probably the best date I had that whole summer. Thanks again, Ben.)
After the first date though, he'd better start talking about how pretty he thinks I am or something, otherwise I'm going to give up on him again. And then he can start subtle touchy type stuff.
But the first date? I don't know you, man. Gerroff me!