Friday, September 7, 2012
part two: enough
Chris and I have been really trying hard to read the scriptures together every day. Sometimes we're struggling to quiet our minds, so we prayerfully, penitently acknowledge that our focus and sincerity is lacking, but we'll try to do better tomorrow. Other times we are tired (or at least I am!) and it's just better to make it short.
Wednesday was a day like that, since we'd gotten up at 5am so Chris could do homework, and I hadn't taken a nap to make up for it. Chris found a few talks on perfectionism that he was excited to read together, but being the sweet and sensitive husband that he is, he yielded to my request for brevity.
I found one of those talks on the coffee table today, and let me tell you, it made me cry. Sister Barbara Morrell gave such encouraging counsel in her 2003 Women's Conference address, about being enough just as we are, rather than running faster than we have strength.
If my little home with Chris was a person, I'd be horrified to look at it and say, "you're not enough." Yet it seems that's exactly what I've been doing, because (right now at least) it doesn't require the frantic running around that I'm used to. In truth, I'd much rather change my mindset, and let Christ change my heart, than change anything about our beautiful little home.
I've heard several times that the "easy" or at least less hectic seasons of our lives are times for reflection and preparation. I've certainly found this to be true in the times of my own life, but it's been a bit of a shock to find myself there again, at least for a little while. I've always wanted a couple of years of living with just my husband and I, before we had children. Frankly, I suspected I needed it, in order to prepare. I want to grow as a person so that I can be the kind of mother I so dearly want my children to have. After all, I already love them, though I don't even know their names. (Well. Not for sure, at least.)
Regardless, I want to give them the best -- including a secure and happy childhood with a mother who has patiently, carefully prepared for them. What does that mean for my education, or employment, or travel opportunities? I have no idea. But in my heart-of-hearts, my dearest ambition has always been my family. Anything else has only been there to fill in the gaps, and as I've been patient, and followed the promptings of the Spirit, the Lord has let me have it all in the end anyway. Think about it. Not only have I been blessed with a degree, incredibly rewarding employment, and a Europe trip that will supply a lifetime of happy memories...but now I'm married, too.
To the love of my life, even, who wisely and maybe even without knowing it, leaves talks on our table that are exactly what I need to read. I'm so grateful for the firm foundation that righteous priesthood leaders -- like my husband -- provide in the home. That humbly-held authority makes my work in our home possible. I'm deeply grateful for the security that brings.
at 9:40 AM