Chris and I have been really trying hard to read the scriptures together every day. Sometimes we're struggling to quiet our minds, so we prayerfully, penitently acknowledge that our focus and sincerity is lacking, but we'll try to do better tomorrow. Other times we are tired (or at least I am!) and it's just better to make it short.
Wednesday was a day like that, since we'd gotten up at 5am so Chris could do homework, and I hadn't taken a nap to make up for it. Chris found a few talks on perfectionism that he was excited to read together, but being the sweet and sensitive husband that he is, he yielded to my request for brevity.
I found one of those talks on the coffee table today, and let me tell you, it made me cry. Sister Barbara Morrell gave such encouraging counsel in her 2003 Women's Conference address, about being enough just as we are, rather than running faster than we have strength.
If my little home with Chris was a person, I'd be horrified to look at it and say, "you're not enough." Yet it seems that's exactly what I've been doing, because (right now at least) it doesn't require the frantic running around that I'm used to. In truth, I'd much rather change my mindset, and let Christ change my heart, than change anything about our beautiful little home.
I've heard several times that the "easy" or at least less hectic seasons of our lives are times for reflection and preparation. I've certainly found this to be true in the times of my own life, but it's been a bit of a shock to find myself there again, at least for a little while. I've always wanted a couple of years of living with just my husband and I, before we had children. Frankly, I suspected I needed it, in order to prepare. I want to grow as a person so that I can be the kind of mother I so dearly want my children to have. After all, I already love them, though I don't even know their names. (Well. Not for sure, at least.)
Regardless, I want to give them the best -- including a secure and happy childhood with a mother who has patiently, carefully prepared for them. What does that mean for my education, or employment, or travel opportunities? I have no idea. But in my heart-of-hearts, my dearest ambition has always been my family. Anything else has only been there to fill in the gaps, and as I've been patient, and followed the promptings of the Spirit, the Lord has let me have it all in the end anyway. Think about it. Not only have I been blessed with a degree, incredibly rewarding employment, and a Europe trip that will supply a lifetime of happy memories...but now I'm married, too.
To the love of my life, even, who wisely and maybe even without knowing it, leaves talks on our table that are exactly what I need to read. I'm so grateful for the firm foundation that righteous priesthood leaders -- like my husband -- provide in the home. That humbly-held authority makes my work in our home possible. I'm deeply grateful for the security that brings.
I have to say, here is my word of long-term scripture study advice. When we were first married, we tried to have really meaningful scripture studies each day, where we read our scriptures together and then discussed them, etc. It was wonderful. However, it's really, really hard to keep that up over the long term, because life gets crazy and things like that tend to get dropped. So we instituted a "backup plan" to make sure we would still read each day. Now we read together each night before bed - usually a chapter, though if it's a long chapter we do 20 verses (D&C, for instance, has looooooong chapters!) and work our way through that way. We've now read 4 out of the 5 books of scripture together, and have only missed a handful of nights in our whole marriage (mostly when one of us was out of town). As much as I love the thoughtful, intense scripture studies together, I have to say that there is real merit in having a distinct, chronological goal (so that you know every day what you are doing and don't have to search for something), and one that can be attained even when we're tired or busy.
ReplyDeleteWe do read talks together, though. Our family night staple, whatever else we do, is to read at least one conference talk together. We take turns picking. Its' a GREAT focus for family night, and I look forward to continuing it with our kids. It really has made me feel like our lives are so filled with the words of the living prophets.
Anyway - just my two cents. ;)
Definitely take your time and enjoy just being together.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know how you feel, but am in opposite situation from you. I'm always waiting for something to give before I can make things happen. We have to wait to move to go to college, which I'm in need for, and we have to run around to make things happen, and I always feel like I'm biding my time, especially for kids, and it drives me absolutely crazy.
I've felt selfish for weeks for being newly married but feeling like my life isn't enough, but I'm glad I'm nt te only one hitting a midlife crisis at twenty something.
Cindy, that's a great idea! I told Chris about it and he seemed pretty open to trying it out. Hooray! Thanks for sharing. :)
ReplyDeleteDeborah, you and Cindy could have lengthy conversations about having to wait for kids. Ugh. I'm so sorry that you've had to just kinda twiddle your thumbs waiting for things to happen. I don't think it's selfish to find that hard at all. Love you.