I, unlike the two friends I once talked to every day, have not gone "radio silent."
I don't watch Alias, but I would guess that I know a little what SD-6 feels like when Sydney is gone. It gets really quiet around here, and I can't even stay busy by trying to sabotage the CIA.
That's not to say I haven't been doing anything. I am, as Alma says, trying the virtue of the word of God, except that the only person I'm trying to convert is myself. I tend to forget how wonderful "boring" can be...how much I enjoy having as much time as I want to think about God and my relationship with Him, and what we, together, can do to help me be more like Him.
In my prayers I've been asking to know what to pray for -- I highly recommend it. It's brought me people's stories (one friend's husband has cancer, another feels swamped with her tiny kids and school and work -- now, I pray for them and others) and a greater sense of gratitude (have you been outside lately? have you laughed out loud with your brother for an hour straight recently? why not? isn't that what life is all about?) and immense amounts of guidance.
The guidance part takes a little explaining. I will be like most college students next semester -- no more handouts for Sara. I, the girl who finds anything more than the minimum full-time class load rather suicidal, will be juggling 14 credits and all of the homework that involves, a job without a car to get there, a church calling, sleep, meals, my sweet friends, and whatever smidgen of downtime I can steal in order not to go completely, desperately, tearily psycho. And heaven forbid I meet a boy, too. Ugh.
I'm trying to use this semester to one, enjoy just being me, in whatever setting I am in, and two, prepare for the intensity that April could bring. Both of these goals have brought me to where I am now. Listening to talks. Reading my scriptures in abundance. Writing pages in my journal instead of paragraphs. I've focused on learning about patience, humility, and work so far, and am looking forward to where the Lord takes me.
I think I'm also learning the eternal importance of being able to adapt. Life never stays the same, that's for certain, but I've found that with some work, my relationship with the Lord can be a bright and solid beacon through any kind of change, even sin. Sin to me is an action that actually pulls us away from God, instead of bringing us closer to Him...but it doesn't matter, because we can bounce back. We can put forth that work, and recommit ourselves, and be headed back up the mountain of the Lord, toward His presence, once again.
So, with all of that in mind, I'm off to bed, peaceful, grateful, and basking in the hope of a brighter day. And I wish you the same.